Yale Tiger Mom's Advice For Parenting Adult Children: Contracts

Following up on my previous posts:

• 'Hard-Ass' Larry Summers v. 'Tiger Mom' Amy Chua on Developing Children (and Faculty)
• Tiger Mom, Meet Wolf Dad: Beat Your Kids Into the Ivy League

Wall Street Journal:  The ‘Tiger Mother’ Has a Contract for Her Cubs, by Amy Chua (Yale):

I recently had a harrowing parenting experience, which I addressed through recourse to the law.

My daughters Sophia and Lulu are now 23 and 20, and they’re both working in New York City this summer. Their plan is to stay (for free) in our Manhattan apartment—the pied-à-terre that my husband, Jed, and I spent 20 years saving up for.

I was on the phone with one of my daughters. “I’m so excited to spend some time in New York this summer—so many of my friends are going to be there!” she said happily.

“Me too!” I said. “I can’t wait.”

Pause.

“Wait—what?” she said. “You’re going to be in the apartment too?”

“What do you mean am I going to be in the apartment? Of course I’m going to be in the apartment. It’s daddy’s and my apartment.”

“But you live in New Haven.”

My head started to explode.

I suddenly realized that I was on the verge of becoming a tenant farmer in my own life.

Fortunately, I teach contracts law at Yale, and I came up with a solution. I made my daughters sign a contract—totally valid and legally enforceable—the text of which is reproduced below. ...

The fact is, we’re never off the hook as parents. Even when your kids are in their 20s, it’s still a constant balancing act. Are we asking too much of them or too little? Are we being strong and holding them to a high standard, or just being too critical? Are we teaching them by example how to live a happy, meaningful, giving life?

In the end, of course, all that any of us really wants is to have our babies back, to hold them close and to spend time with them—and to have them want to spend time with us.

Alas, we can’t have their childhood again. But at least we have contracts.