Paul L. Caron

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Omaha Mayor Proposes Federal Toilet Paper Tax to Fund Local Sewer Project

1040_lrg Omaha World-Herald, Suttle Unrolls Toilet Paper Tax:

Mayor Jim Suttle went to Washington Tuesday flush with ideas for how federal officials could help cities like Omaha pay for multibillion-dollar sewer projects.

Among the items on his brainstorming list: a proposal for a 10-cent federal tax on every roll of toilet paper you buy. Based on the four-pack price for Charmin double rolls Tuesday at a midtown Hy-Vee, such a tax would add more than 10 percent to the per-roll price, pushing it over a buck.

The idea came from a failed 2009 House measure by an Oregon congressman to help cities and the environment. “I heard about it and said, ‘Well, this is simple. Let's put it on the table,'” said Suttle. “It doesn't mean I endorse it.”

The mayor says Omaha needs help with the metro area's $1.7 billion bill for federally mandated sewer improvements. The work must be done by 2024. ...

Whether the toilet paper tax has legs remains to be seen, but Omaha's large industries that balked under significant sewer rate increases are listening.

Julia Plucker, a lobbyist for Kellogg's and Skinner Baking, says food industries carry an unfair portion of the increases.

A toilet paper tax? Sure.

“I did chuckle when I first heard about it,” Plucker said. “But this is a serious problem. We would love to take a look at any more equitable solution.”

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Allow me to offer up a supplemental poem, including many puns and references to toilet paper within.

We find our budget in arrears.
Good citizens, now lend your ears.
Toilet paper must bear a dime
Each time you open your behind.

These dimes will not go down the drain.
Nay, in the system they’ll remain.
Redeployed for the greater good
Taking waste from your neighborhood.

Surely some will disagree.
“Must you tax our poop and pee?”
The mayor says, “Let’s take a crack
At this attempt so funds won’t lack.”

Women will bear an unfair load.
On this plan they can’t be sold.
Their use quintuples than of Man.
Now, __it really hits the fan.

Soon this tax will be imposed.
Then we’ll all pay through the nose.
Bend over now, and take your licks.
So the sewer system gets its fix.

The farmers, they can get around
This tax by twirling corn-cobs ‘round.
But here I sit, broken-hearted.
Paid my dime, and only farted.

Posted by: A9 | Apr 18, 2011 3:08:56 PM

As long as they don't tax the Sears, Roebuck catlaog, I'm fine!

Posted by: Local Hillbilly | Mar 24, 2011 2:36:54 PM

Since our house is on a septic system and not a public sewer, would there be some crappy tax credit for us?

Posted by: Woody | Mar 24, 2011 11:01:40 AM

Mayor Suttle’s VAT

We tax your land and tax your home,
All you possess, from crypt to dome.
We tax three ways the daily wage
Of young and old and middle age.

We tax your cigarettes, and more,
We tax the alcohol you pour.
Your restaurant has a special rate
As does your bygone dad’s estate.

We tax your car and we impose
A tax on household goods and clothes.
Your haircuts, pedicures and nails
Are taxed as services or sales.

But still the budget comes up short
And now we’ve hit the last resort.
A dime a roll – a trifling fee –
For those who want to use T.P.

Our Democratic mayor sees
He’s got the people on their knees.
And so he adds upon their backs
This little Value Added Tax!

Posted by: thebardofmurdock | Mar 24, 2011 10:20:15 AM