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Saturday, July 19, 2014

Applying Moneyball to Dating: Finding Undervalued Traits in a Future Spouse

NPR: The Science Of Settling: Calculate Your Mate With Moneyball:

Moneyball Ty[Ty Tashiro's] recent book, The Science of Happily Ever After, explores what "advances in relationship science" can teach us about the partners we choose. Almost 9 in 10 Americans believe they have a soul mate, says Tashiro, but only 3 in 10 find enduring partnerships that do not end in divorce, separation or chronic unhappiness. Clearly something is going wrong — and it starts with our expectations. ...

Our mate preferences have been shaped by natural selection's obsession with physical attractiveness and resources as well as the messages our friends, families and favorite shows transmit about sweethearts and soul mates. And it is at the start of relationships, when we need to make smart, long-term decisions, that we are least likely to do so because we're in the throes of lust, passion and romance. ...

Tashiro advocates a new approach to dating, one that is not so much about lowering standards as giving yourself better ones. Call it "Moneyballing" relationships (Tashiro does); it's all about finding undervalued traits and assets in the dating market. And, just like with baseball, it starts with trying to ignore the superficial indices of value — attractiveness, wealth — in favor of hidden attributes with a stronger correlation to long-term relationship success.

Citing research that finds no reliable link between income level or physical attractiveness and relationship satisfaction, Tashiro steers his readers toward traits such as agreeableness. With married couples, he points out, "liking declines at a rate of 3 percent a year, whereas lust declines at a rate of 8 percent per year," so the smarter, long-term investment is finding someone you genuinely like. Plus, he adds, studies also suggest that agreeable partners are in fact "better in bed" and less likely to cheat over the long haul.

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Comments

Advice: DON'T mention to your date that you read this book.

Posted by: michael livingston | Jul 20, 2014 3:27:59 AM