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Monday, November 11, 2013

NY Times: Estate Planning for Sex Toys

Six ToysNew York Times:  The Sex Toys in the Attic:

[D]isposing of sex paraphernalia — actually all those embarrassing items you have stashed around the house — is something every boomer should be concerned about. The days are dwindling down to a precious few and some of you have a nasty cough. Do you want the people clearing out your house, particularly your children, to find those feathery, metallic, rubbery, polymer blend items you ordered one drunken night a few months after you’d been forced to take early retirement? Do you want them to know their big, tough construction worker dad liked to dress up in heels and a boa and sing “La La La” from “No Strings,” one of Richard Rodgers’s weaker efforts?

You may be thinking, “What do I care what my friends or children find in the house? I will be beyond embarrassment, I will be dead.” But you are wrong. Doctors now know that the human sense of embarrassment can last up to two weeks after the heart stops beating. Consider this statement from a boomer named Stanley: “I was lying on the operating table, then I had a feeling of leaving my body and looking down at myself and all I could think was, ‘Is my gut really that big?’ ” Look it up on the web.

I know no one likes to think about death. But just as the responsible person designates someone to make medical decisions in case he or she is incapacitated, we should all have designated, let’s call them Eradicators, to come over and clean the house after we expire. Remember Marilyn Monroe. Not that I can prove anything, just saying. Your Eradicator should be given house keys, a list of items to be destroyed and their hiding places — you don’t want to be in intensive care screaming, “Back of the sock drawer!” They’ll just increase your meds.

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Comments

I have had the task of being the eradicator for a couple of departed friends. I went through the bedrooms before the families. Just walked right in with a black garbage bag and took care of it all. I consider it to be a mercy to everybody involved.

Posted by: Anonymous | Nov 12, 2013 4:52:31 AM

Good Lord, what a relief. I was afraid this would be about arguments over who would inherit.

Posted by: comatus | Nov 12, 2013 5:46:57 AM

Put them on E-Bay. There seems to be a good market for "used" items!

Posted by: adainv | Nov 12, 2013 6:00:18 AM

Excellent suggestion. Been there, done that, for a client. Fortunately, I was the only person to see the deceased's extensive collection of porn, lubricants, and sex toys, and disposed of them before the pastor came over to receive the items the deceased had left for his church.

Posted by: WhittyMike | Nov 12, 2013 7:41:34 AM

I too have done this service for three deceased friends. I also came across some hidden jewelry and cash . This very amply compensated me for my efforts.

Posted by: Vivian Marx | Nov 12, 2013 9:13:50 AM

Which raises the question, what was the estate tax valuation of Michael Jackson's sex toys?

Posted by: Bob Kamman | Nov 13, 2013 1:34:30 PM