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Friday, September 21, 2007

God Files Answer in Lawsuit Blaming Him for World's Troubles

Associated Press: Answer to Lawsuit Against God Shows Up, but No One Knows Who Filed It, by Nate Jenkins:

God has apparently responded to a lawsuit filed by a Nebraska lawmaker, and one of the filings seems to have dropped in from the heavens. "This one miraculously appeared on the counter. It just all of a sudden was here, poof!" said John Friend, clerk of the Douglas County District Court in Omaha. The response was one of at least two to a lawsuit filed against God last week by state Sen. Ernie Chambers of Omaha, the state's longest-serving lawmaker.

Chambers said in his five-page lawsuit that God has made terroristic threats against him and his constituents, inspired fear and caused "widespread death, destruction and terrorization of millions upon millions of the Earth's inhabitants." The self-proclaimed agnostic is seeking a permanent injunction against God. Signed by "God," the response filed Wednesday argues the defendant is immune from some earthly laws and that the court lacks jurisdiction over God. Blaming the Almighty for human oppression and suffering misses an important point, it says. "I created man and woman with free will and next to the promise of immortal life, free will is my greatest gift to you," according to the response. St. Michael the Archangel is listed as a witness, Friend said.

Another response, also signed God, says the Lord disputes Chambers' allegations. That filing lists a phone number for a Texas law office. A message left there was not immediately returned Thursday. Chambers could not be reached Thursday. Chambers said his lawsuit is serious but also makes a point: Anybody can sue anybody.

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Comments

God's response is rediculous. It sounds as if it were written by someone other than a legal professional. The granting of 'free will' is not an affirmative defense listed under Fed. Rules Civ Pro 8(b). Granted, if God's litigator were somewhat competent, he would file a 12(b) 6 motion for failure to state a claim or a 12(b) 2 for the lack of juridiction over god. If successful, God would then move for a rule eleven motion for sanctions against the senator. It remains to be seen if attorney's fees would be awarded. After all, God's litigators would probably command a hefty price.

That being said, if the senator wished to serve an agent of God, he should have sued God's vicar on earth, the Pope; a man whom could be served in federal court, under the proper subject matter and personal jurisdiction.

This is all completely rediculous, however. The lawmaker, while trying to prove a point, has proved another point, he lacks the rudimentary knowledge of litigation known to any first year law student. Are these the people we wish to be crafting our nation's laws?

Posted by: Luigi Tollis | Sep 21, 2007 9:29:46 AM

Surely we wouldn't want illiterates filing lawsuits. That would be completely ridiculous

Posted by: Nemo Dat | Sep 21, 2007 10:34:01 AM

That this document was signed by "God" makes me somewhat suspicious, since I don't believe that He/She ever calls Him/Herself that, but it is rather a name used by others. On the other hand, my wife does call herself "Mommy" on certain occasions, although that is not her given name, either. It is as always a matter of interpretation.

Posted by: Michael Livingston | Sep 21, 2007 12:16:11 PM